Maybe I’m just too demanding.
Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisfied.
I’m still quoting Minnesota-native and pop god Prince when we pull in to Milwaukee. Which is probably a bad sign. I shouldn’t have set the bar so high after Minneapolis. My expectations are unusually demanding. Thus, when we arrive to The Rave complex and the air-conditioning is inoperative during this summer heat wave, my heart fails a little. When the promoter discusses poor ticket sales, my heart waffles again, wondering whether it’s our failure to draw the kids or his. He seems a bit disinterested in his job. Led into the opium den backstage, I’m not sure how to brighten my spirits, despite my approval of the harem décor. It’s just too hot and dark and dank to know how to feel mystical. When the sound engineer discusses his hard job and his exhaustion from it, I am full of empathy but know the odds are against us. His heart’s not in it for us. When we blow one side of monitors during soundcheck, I have to turn my body to hide my grimacing face. When the various vans and trucks and trailers arrive to put on the production for the neighbouring Corrosion of Conformity concert, we’re asked to move our mini-van and I feel a little dwindled. There is nary a woman in sight despite the fact that there are six different bands playing at the venue, and my strength nose-dives when “Tiny” slurs, “Nice dress,” in my direction. Inexplicable lewdness. I raise my eyebrows but wish I’d risen to the challenge. “Nice gut. Nice hat. Nice beard. Nice confederate flag tattoo.”
But I am wrong to feel this way. And I will happily admit my folly.
At E E Sane, the mending begins. We are delivered some of the country’s spiciest and tastiest Thai and Laotian dishes. My numb lips make me feel alive again. Back at the venue, checking my email, I discover that my brother has sent me videos of my nieces and nephews dancing to one of my songs. Of course one of the hardest aspects of touring life is how little one gets to see their loved ones so when I see their little boogie-ing bodies and hear Nathan’s voice narrating their dance moves from behind the camera, my heart is fully fully restored. My happiness has found its home again. My babies, my brother: thank you for saving me.
Finally on stage, everything feels real and good again. And the crowd is loud despite their size. We are reminded of our last visit to this same club in Milwaukee and realize that we’ve actually doubled the attendance. So again: I admit to my mistakes. I was wrong for doubting you Wisconsin. You proved me wrong. Luke, your impetuous drive will be noted in the future of dancing. Vampire daughter thanks for bringing your mother. To all involved, your determination overcame my weak moments. You danced despite the heat. You laughed with us and sang.
I felt very satisfied.